So I am in a speech class at my college and I have listened to a lot of speeches. Some about mothers some about others, going early on gave me alot of time to think though. It hit me today, just the kind of women I want to be. When people look at me I want them to know I am caring, loving, I stand up for what I believe, I stand up for others, and most importantly that I am a follower of God. Why is this important? Because currently I’m not sure that when you look at me this is what you see. There is more than a little part of me who hates the idea of being married. But I want to be a mom more than anything and without being married, could this be possible? Well of course I could adopt or be a foster mom and that’s what I plan on doing because it will bring me happiness. But first I’ve got a lot of life to get together. So I am debating on documenting my progress here or starting another blog to do this, so input would be great!
So I am currently starting my third week of my classes in college and things are going pretty well I like all my classes and my teachers. Why is this important because if my teachers sucked…then school would suck.
Also, I have still been doing the No Poo thing, but in the last couple of weeks I have noticed that my hair has become unreasonably dry. Not sure if this is because of something I am doing or just because of the climate here but I have decided that instead of going with the No Poo thing everytime I wash my hair I am going to be doing it every other time. That way my hair has some in between time.
I haven’t been eating as much as I was prior to school starting and I still haven’t posted anything about my weight. I promise this will be coming soon. It is just really hard to bring myself to step on to a scale then to post for the world what I am currently weighing. But I’ll post a picture of my before here.
Also I said at the beginning of the year that I was trying to limit my soda drinking. This is going great so far with the only exception being while I was at work during a time when we had a boil order I wasn’t drinking water that day but stuck to vitamin water and tea. <— out of my control.
I have also noticed that I have been having more of a desire to share thoughts and feelings with written word so you will be seeing more of that as well. Most likely another poem will be uploaded here shortly.
My laptop has no charger and I am currently at school so I am going to have to cut this some what short but I am sure there will be a new post again soon.
So I usually am I Debbie Downer… and since I restarted school and this is a new year I have decided that the old me is going by the wayside. And I want to adopt a new mental attitude. PMA, that is what I want to have. I want to have a positive outlook on my life, on my classes, on my future. And I think that I am doing a pretty good job of doing this, of course it could still use some work but I am doing much better than I was before.
On my way to school yesterday, since I knew I was going to be giving a speech, I talked to myself the whole way to school. “Heather you can do this, you are better than your nerves, nerves you can’t control me.” Yeah that was pretty much my whole trip to school… So I am sure that the people on the interstate thought I was nuts but…I don’t care.
Sometimes I think you just have to look and the mirror and tell yourself that you can do it! I know that it is something that I need to work on those feelings of doubt and self hate like to creep up on me. And well its one of those things that I need to work on and become better at but. I am currently trying to adopt a Positive Outlook on everything, and I won’t let people put me down. No more.
So I am 22 years old and I work with the public so like every single day I have someone say to me, “Yes ma’am” or “No Ma’am” etc. And for some unknown reason this irks me to no end. Like on a scale of 1-100 of irkyness this is like a 85… I hate it. Mostly because the people who call me ma’am are either A) older than me… no not like elderly people who are being nice like 25 year olds… (Seriously we went to school together do not call me MA’AM) or B) Snotty little teenagers who think they are being cute by calling me ma’am… (really you aren’t) I don’t know why it bothers me so much but I am still young and I don’t want aged any faster than I have to be… so when someone calls me ma’am it just gets under my skin.. I mean I am not even married… I don’t want to be old until I have to be so when you met me…please don’t call me ma’am.
Her strength is a mask
Sinking farther and farther.
Like a ship, crashing to the bottom of the ocean.
And you don’t see it because she won’t let you.
No she can’t let you because she has to be
She’s strong for you.
She’s strong for everyone…
..Always strong the stone faced one.
The girl who has to be strong for everyone else.
She lets her problems go…
back, in the back of her mind and sometime they creep up…
like a murderer in a scary movie.
They find her, and she wants to cry because though she tries to help her words aren’t heard.
She goes through her life…
trying to help others letting her problems
until they come back and the find her and take her to a dark place
she knows that your problems aren’t about her
She gets it but in a way they are
if you continue on the path you are on…
she is going to lose you forever… and she just can’t
too much death
too much loss
too much sadness
too much ache
its too much for her to handle
and if she can’t get a grip on it
they it might just drive her crazy
I just wish that you would see just how you are hurting yourself
I wish you could see how much you are hurting her
I wish you could see that the her
-By Heather Kjellesvik
(January 17, 2012)
So last night I made a stir fry without using the help and guidance of anyone else, Since I am going into Culinary Arts its about damn time I do so. Anyway I decided to write down what I did as I did it so that I could share it with everyone, since this is a first for me usually I just use other people’s recipes but this one is all mine. I haven’t figured out a good name for it so for now its just Heather’s Stir Fry. 🙂 If you attempt please let me know how it goes and if there were any flaws with my recipe. Thank you.
1 lbs Beef Roast (cut into approx. 2in by ½ in strips) (I am sure this would also work with chicken or pork)
2 TBSP Worcestershire Sauce
6 TBSP Soy Sauce
2 TBSP Olive Oil
Fresh Ground Pepper
1 ½ Cups White Rice (or Brown whatever you prefer)
1 ½ Cups Snap Peas (1-9 oz Box Frozen)
1 ½ Cup green beans
1 Cup Frozen peas
2 ½ cups Frozen Broccoli
1 Cup carrots
1 can of mushrooms (I used a small one but this is up to you)
Heaping ¼ tsp Paprika
¼ tsp Ground Red Pepper
4 cups of water
1) Cut your beef (or whatever meat you choose and set aside.
2) In large bowl mix together the 2 TBSP Worcestershire Sauce, 2 TBSP of the Soy Sauce, 2 TBSP of Olive Oil, a dash of freshly ground peppercorns, a dash of garlic powder, a dash of onion powder, about 2 tsp of Sugar mix together then add meat and let it sit for a while.
3) Start your rice, I just cooked mine, but you can steam yours if you so choose honestly I like steamed rice better. Cook until your rice is fully cooked.
4) Add your meat and the Worcestershire/Soy Sauce mixture to your skillet or your Wok. Cook on Medium heat. You are going to cook until your meat until fully cooked.
5) While your meat is cooking in a big bowl add all of your vegetables. Top with 4 TBSP of Soy Sauce, the Paprika, TBSP of Garlic Powder and mix.
6) While my meat was cooking the sauce started to become super thick so I added some water so that it didn’t burn.
7) When your meat is cooked add the veggies and all of the soy sauce that is in your bowl. You are going to cook until your veggies are tender. Then add the Red Pepper. Just sprinkle it throughout the top and mix it in. (You can add more water while the veggies are cooking if needed thus my adding the 4 cups of water to the ingredients.)
8) When your rice & veggies are ready you are ready to rock and roll. Just put your rice on to your plate and top with stir fry and you are done 🙂 Enjoy!
So when I am in the car or cleaning or taking a shower… usually those are the times that I do the most thinking… and when I am at work. And today as I was driving to school with snow falling all around me I had lots of time to think. And that is what I did. I have a friend and she went to a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. They told her that she was going to need to have open heart surgery in the near future, as near as next week to repair part of her heart. Okay so I don’t remember all the terms forgive me, but I am so bad with medical stuff it’s nuts. Anyway the reason I am telling you this is because, last month we went to a mall to do our Christmas shopping for each other and there was a pair of house shoes that I really wanted, I had my hand on them and was going to buy them and she took them out of my hand and bought them for herself. I was so mad at her at the time and there have been other times that I have wanted something and she has gotten the last one. Well as I was driving I was thinking about just how stupid it was that I was mad about something so meaningless. I mean seriously a pair of shoes… is that really something to hold on to like it is a big deal? No. But then when you are faced with the fact that your friend is going to be undergoing a serious surgery that makes it even more silly to be mad about it. I know that they do this surgery all the time and that its not really that big of a deal. But she is 23, I am 22 you really aren’t supposed to be having to deal with these kind of things. She is one of my best friends, not my only one but still. She is like my sister and I just really can’t imagine anything happening to her. So the thought that I was so bitter over something so stupid makes me feel very sad.
So I guess what I am really trying to say is that when you are talking to your friends, family, people in general. Do you really ever think about the fact that someday that person might not be there for you? Is what you are mad at them about really worth not having them in your life or is it something that some day you will look back at and say “What the hell were you thinking?” I know that I am all to guilty of this. And when I had a chance to think about it, if something were to happen to my friend today were those house shoes really that important or was the fact that we got to go out to eat and spend the day together more important…. well let me making this easier. I’d rather have my memories than any pair of shoes… (regardless of how much I adore shoes) My friends are more than just friends to me they are my family and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I know that there is a good crew of people looking down from Heaven watching over my friend and I, so I know I shouldn’t really be worried but I still am. I just know that I don’t want to let there be anything that I have unresolved with her when its time for her to goes under the knife. And I want to work on not caring about little things not letting them be so important because they aren’t material things are nothing, when you die they aren’t going with you so cherish the little moments and ignore the bullshit…because life is so incredibly short.
So I am having a sort of writers block, can’t think of anything worth writing about… who me, never. I guess it has happened but this blog is so important to me so I am going to try to fix that. So for now how about another blog prompt!
“If you could choose a lyric or verse from a song or poem to describe your life, which would it be and why?”
—-From Mindbump.com submitted by: The Soul Poet’s Journal
Now I know that there is no way that I can just choose one link to define my whole life, good lord I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have millions of songs that define who I am. So for today I am going to go with: Priscilla Ahn’s Dream
“I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my house guests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep. “
Now why did I pick this song? Mostly Because when I hear this song I think of my life and the life in which I hope that I am leading. The song continues to talk about being old and at the end of your life and pretty much dying and having lived to tell many tales having a full life. I have decided that when I die I want this song played at my funeral. I want those attending my funeral not to be sad but to be able to celebrate who I am or was rather. I want there to be all kinds of people from every part of my life. I want people to be able to say that I touched there lives in a positive way. I want people to say look at all Heather did or this is what she did for me. I know to leave my mark on this world. It doesn’t have to be in a big way, I don’t need the whole world to know my name but I want people to know me I want to touch lives, I want to love, and share, and to make this world a better place. I want to live a life that would make my dad proud of me. I want to be remembered, and I feel like this song says that. I also feel like it encompasses my childlike imagination that I had as a child and still have to this day. I grew in a time when we played outside. As I child my friend Katie and myself made a whole world that was ours that we played in, fairies and demons and kings and queens it was what every child fantasy was, I probably will write a whole blog on that someday. We played Oregon Trail, Pokemon and Scooby Doo. Sure we watched TV but if it were possible we were outside. Even on rainy days and snow days. We’d play in the puddles when it rained until there wasn’t a part of us that wasn’t soaked then come in put on pajamas, pop some popcorn, and watch cartoons. It was the best childhood ever and I would trade it for a million trips to Disney World! I think that is why this song speaks to me because the beginning sounds like my childhood, and the end sounds like what I hope the end of my life is like.